All right, I’ll admit my shame to the world: I am a TV Sports Widow.
I married a man who will watch any sport on TV at anytime! He’s a TV Sports Addict or TSA for short.
It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t actually know anything about a particular sport, if it has a ball, or wheels, or water – he will watch it. If you try to change the channel because he’s snoring (obviously he is not paying attention) – a dark voice utters the grim words: “I’m watching that”.
There should be a Support Group formed for TV Sports Widows. Somewhere we can go to exchange strategies, and share comfort in the fact that we’re not alone.
TV Sports Widows live in a world of grunts. Talk to my husband while he’s watching sport and all you ever get is an unintelligible noise in response. And please don’t tell me talk to him in the ads – that’s when he channel surfs, desperately looking for another sport to get his fix.
I once tried to seduce him during the cricket – desperate times call for desperate measures, after all.
He looked over my shoulder to check the time and informed me there would be a lunch break in the cricket in 20 minutes, and then he’d be all mine. Really? Let’s just say this was one man who was definitely not going to score that day.
His favourite TV (we have 3) is in the lounge room separated from the bedrooms by a hallway and several doors. If I hide in the bedroom I can STILL hear him yelling at the referees.
Does he truly think that he’s going to make a difference? Does he really think the referees or the players can hear him?
And to make it even more absurd: it’s a replay of an earlier played game – it’s already happened – nothing is going to change the result now. This is a reasonably intelligent man who just hasn’t seemed to grasp the fundamentals of television viewing. Even our children learnt that TV was not really real at a very young age.
When we were first married I used to sit with him while he watched TV. I’d embroider something, anything, so we could spend the time together. Now I just try to hide.
My social life has improved incredibly since I came out of the closet. I discovered that my neighbourhood simply abounded with fellow sufferers. Now we go out for lunch and leave the TV Sports Addicts at home to watch to their hearts’ content.
However, revenge is sweet, and incredibly satisfying – so when we TV Sports Widows go off to lunch – we leave the kids at home!